Choosing a Sperm Donor

 Choosing sperm donor a fascinating and bizarre experience.

We went to the health center for our enrollment and medical clearance appointments and decided to browse through some donor profiles while we were there. There were a few things going into this process that we were pretty sure of. 

1. We wanted a donor the same race as us. In my brain if we were adopting a baby I felt like it wouldn’t matter what the babies race was. However, my wife giving birth to a baby who didn’t look like either of us seemed strange to me.

2. We wanted an identity release donor. Donors in the identity release program agree to be contacted by a child conceived by their sperm after that child reaches the age of 18. It was really important to us that our child had the option to contact the donor, if they decided to. We didn’t want to make that decision for our child.

After that we were slightly overwhelmed at picking a donor. What’s important? What isn’t important? How do you decide? What about the age-old nature vs. nurture debate?

We started just reading through donor profiles and getting a feel for the person. If one of us thought they were ok the other of us would read it.  If we both thought they were ok we kept it in the running. If either of us got weird vibes from the dude, we got rid of him, no questions asked.

Family health history played a factor in our decision-making.  There was one guy we liked but he reported that his parents and three of his grandparents had all died before they were 60 of various causes. It could be some strange coincidence, or it could be something funky in his genes. Either way, we had enough choices, so we didn’t have to risk it.

We fairly quickly narrowed our selections down to seven potential donors. Of that seven we eliminate three more fairly quickly.  Once we eliminated someone because of physical characteristics that we weren’t totally thrilled with.  (Hey, if we get to choose!) Mostly we got rid of people in that round because they seemed to lack passion about anything. They sounded like a totally fine guys, smart, kind…but they lacked anything that made us think that they were excited about ANYTHING in the world.

When we had the top three my wife and I both ranked them separately, and ended up with the same guy in our #1 spot. Probably the biggest seller for us (aside from his good health, and general good guy vibe) was his use of exclamation points. He could answer serious questions seriously, but also, even in his paperwork he seemed to be having fun. He wrote things like “My sperm is awesome!!” He studied musical theatre and philosophy. His donor number matches my birthday (and coincidentally my wife’s favorite number). His celebrity lookalikes are handsome (even if in a dorky sort of way). 

In the end we decided that there weren't really right or wrong answers as to how to pick the right donor, as long as we both feel comfortable and happy with it, then we're golden. We’re excited about our choice, and even more excited to put it to good use soon. 

Legal Marriage

For those of you who haven't heard, election night was a huge success for this country and for gay and lesbian couples in Maine. We watched the election results come in with friends and celebrated the fact that our marriage, and the marriage of so many others, could be legal in our home state. 

After coming home on election night we were a excited and were reading all sorts of updates on Facebook. One of my friends had reposted  as message that said "I have a CNN reporter that is looking for gay and lesbians for a CNN story on Gay Marriage passing, anyone interested?" Of course I was interested. So I sent the guy an e-mail, which he quickly replied to asking for my phone number. Shortly after 2am, just as I climbed into bed I got a call from the guy at CNN asking if I was going to be up for a while or if we should do the interview now. I explained that it was 2am, and I would prefer to do the interview right away.

Anyway! Here is the story that came out of that interview. It's a little bit off in some places but overall accurate. How cool is it that we on CNN.com??

Read my post election response on CNN.com! 

Pre-Election Reflection

I got married on the first day of fall. 

After almost an entire year of dreaming, planning, list making, crafting and organizing our day had finally arrived. The day started cold and cloudy, with light rain. We were worried about our hopes to have an outdoor event. However, not long before the ceremony started the clouds parted and sun began to shine. Many wedding guests marveled at the sight of a flock of geese taking off right before the procession over the stage where the ceremony took place. I imagine it to be something you would expect to see in a movie, a sign that the occasion was blessed. 

I walked toward the stage to the sounds of piano and cello being played live from the stage. As I passed my friends and family who had gathered to witness our celebration of love I smiled, and held back tears of gratitude. I met my love at the bottom of the stairs and we held hands as we walked up to the stage, where we joined our some of our closest friends, and three incredible pastors. 

The ceremony was exactly what we planned it to be. Each detail carefully chosen to exemplify our love and our personalities. There were words of welcome, and a prayer. There was a beautiful solo. There was a community response in which all 160 guests stood up and voiced their support for us as we started this new phase in our relationship. It was powerful. There were ribbons and rings and self written vows. There was scripture and some amazing remarks by our pastors including a retelling of how our relationship had evolved. There was a proclamation that we would be together forever, and right before the blessing there was a kiss.

Following the ceremony we celebrated with a BBQ complete with local meats and veggie burgers, lawn games, and a great little band. Many guests proclaimed that it was the most beautiful, meaningful wedding ceremony they had ever attended. Our hearts were full of love. 

 

As you all know in a couple of days we will vote on rather or not the state of Maine should legally recognize weddings such as ours. You see, I am a woman, who married another woman. We had a lovely, amazing, beautiful ceremony, which was really important to us, but legally, my wife and I are roommates. If, God forbid, something were to happen to one of us we are not guaranteed hospital visits with one another. We cannot inherit each others property. We cannot file joint taxes. When we have children the ramifications of not being legally married multiply. There are hundreds of rights that married couples have (they probably don't even realize it) that my wife and I don't have. The state of Maine can vote next week to give me those rights, to strengthen and protect my family, this marriage that is already very real. I don't need a marriage certificate to validate my relationship, but it would be nice.  

Same-sex marriages ARE happening, and will continue to happen regardless of how the state of Maine votes on Tuesday. People will continue to commit themselves to spend their lives with the person they love. They will stand up in front of their family and friends and declare that love.  Same-sex couples will continue to have children, and raise families. That cannot be taken away. I am just hoping that when voters in the state of Maine go to the polls they will stand up and say " Your love is real, and strong and good, and we value your place in our community," just like our friends and family members did on the first day of fall.