Good Vibes Galore

I was remembering back to our first insemination appointment, I had text messaged my mom letting her know that everything had gone well and she replied something along the lines of "Now all you have to do is stay away from negative people." As if it were that easy.

I wish that conceiving a child was as easy as just surrounding ourselves with positive loving people.

BUT....it can't hurt right?

We are headed to Boston for our 4th iui tomorrow. On our first wedding anniversary. How cool would it be if this is the one that worked?

Please send all good vibes/prayers/happy, lovely, baby making thoughts our way!!

Celebrations

One thing we are really good at as a couple is celebrating. We LOVE to have reasons to celebrate. No holiday is too small for us!

We wear green on Saint Patrick's Day.

We dye Easter Eggs with our friends.

We have cookie cutters for almost every occasion.

We cherish Christmas celebrations.

We once delivered brownies to some friends with a George Washington cut out on President's Day.

We dress up for Halloween.

We were engaged over Columbus Day weekend.

We were married on the first day of fall, we served apple pies.

My calendar states that it is almost the first day of fall again, which happens to land on our 1st wedding anniversary. For two girls known for celebrating we are getting a lot of people asking, "What are you doing for your anniversary." It's a logical question. It's not prying too much. Generally, we would love to tell you.

But the thing is there's a fairly good chance we will be trying to make a baby. Which is AWESOME! But again, not something we want to tell everyone, so we tend to stutter when asked that question. Which people think is odd, because we always have awesome plans. We celebrate month-a-versaries of when we started dating, for goodness sake. So how is it we don't have plans for our very first wedding anniversary? And what in the world will we do if we don't end up trying to make a baby on that particular day?




The weekend is coming, and it's contents are a mystery. Maybe it will be the start of something big for our little family. Maybe we'll go to the fair and eat organic ice cream. No matter what we do to celebrate our anniversary our love will never be in question.

Something to be Proud Of

Several years ago, when I had first moved to this city, I was waiting at a bus stop near my house with my teenage sister, waiting for the bus to take us to the mall. We were on our way to a volunteer at a summer camp for kids with life threatening illnesses, and my sister had forgot her bathing suit. We were in a hurry, and the bus was late.

Before too long the street was blocked off by police officers. I was more intrigued than worried. Within 15 minutes we realized that there was a parade happening, and we were going to see it. Turns out it was the Pride parade. We were from a pretty liberal tiny city, but we didn't know such a thing existed. It seemed fun and festive, we collected some beads and some candy. And then, one of the people in the parade waved at us and shouted "HEEELLLLLOOOOO FELLOW HOMOS!" My sister found it hysterical. I was mortified, and suddenly wished I could be anywhere else in the world.

No doubt it was my inner turmoil that brought me down at that point, I was kind of/sort of involved with one of my best friends from college. A girl. I hadn't told anyone, and it was messy. It was confusing. At that point it hurt more than it felt good. She had a boyfriend. I wasn't gay.

Fast-forward 7 years (!). I am very happily married to an incredible woman. I have successfully avoided the Pride Festival since that day with my sister. At times I find my own lack of enthusiasm regarding PRIDE and embarrassment to my people. I really saw my "coming out" as a non-event. It was declaration of love for a person (who happened to be the same gender as I am) but not much more. It didn't change my clothing choices, or my taste in music, or my desire to go to the Pride Parade. I had friends, I had community, I didn't need to see mostly naked men (or women) dancing on top of trucks in order to be sure of who I was, and who I loved.

BUT, our church is on the parade route, and our friend Tad was planning to stand outside and hand out bubbles, and lollipops and buttons with an important message: "You are Loved." So we semi-reluctantly agreed to go help out. We got to the church  early to decorate with rainbow kites and various whirly gigs. We brought out bright colored fabric, and rainbow umbrellas. We wore leis and I whipped out my rainbow wig.

When the parade started we decided to go out into the street and give our trinkets to the people marching in the parade. They were happy to get fun toys, and candy, but extra excited for the buttons. I gave a button to a teenager who took it from my hand and said with joy, "That's right, I AM loved. Take that parents." While it's heart breaking that this young person does not feel loved by his parents because of his orientation (I assume), I am encouraged by the thought that on this day he knew that he was worthy of love, even if it was in the form of a button from a complete stranger.


I didn't think I wanted or needed the "gay community." However,  it was pretty powerful seeing the parade and realizing how lucky we are to live in a place where restaurants, jewelers, banks, churches, and even the animal shelter would march in a parade that says that all love is valued, honored, and celebrated. The mayor and the police chief served as marshalls in the parade, riding in cars and waving to the parade goers. To me this is incredible. Because of this one day celebration young gay kids (and old gay kids) can see that there are places in this city where they are safe and valued....and that's something to be proud of.

Self-Preservation vs. Self-Advocacy

I hear there is something interesting going on in the Supreme Court this week.

I know I should be interested. I know I should at least be curious. I should be checking CNN.com and reading blog posts and simply keeping up to date. After all, this is my life they are talking about. 

But I can't. I can’t bring my self to check the news, or open my e-mails, or do more than scan through Facebook for non-related updates. Maybe it’s self-preservation or fear or just general anxiety, but I’d prefer to not hear anything about it.

Last night I admitted to my wife that I can't look at any information about this. When I do my heart rate goes up and I feel a bit like vomiting. She said, "Well, if the worst happens it won't really change our lives any." To which I replied, "Except for that feeling that you've just been kicked in the stomach."

In 2009 voters in Maine rejected a same-sex marriage law that was signed into effect by the governor. I had worked hard on that campaign. Every week I went to the campaign office and entered data. As the election got closer I hit the streets to do canvassing, I knocked on 100’s of doors trying to get people to vote in favor of gay marriage, in favor of inclusivity, and love. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but something I felt strongly about doing, despite my (at the time) “mostly straight” identity. When the majority of the state disagreed with me I was disappointed, but not really affected. It wasn't personal.

Now it's personal. Now every word is personal. The fact that the nature of my love is up for debate is personal. The fact that once again people get to vote on rather or not I should be afforded the same rights as other families in this country hurts my soul. The worth of my relationship should not be up for debate. It should not be news worthy. I wonder how many more times people are going to get the opportunity to try to convince others that my life doesn’t have the same value as other (heterosexual) people’s lives.  It should simply be that every human, without exception, should have the same rights as any other human. While I appreciate more than words can describe the work that’s been done to move us in that direction, it’s overwhelming to me right now to be a part of it.

The only advocacy I can stomach is to keep living a life of love. I walk down the street holding hands with my wife. We smile. We laugh, (giggle, really) as we bolt to cross the street hand in hand trying to make it to the other side before the light changes. We treat each other with respect and tenderness. We go to church, and we love our neighbors.  My only hope is that someone might see us and think that maybe we’re not so different after all. Maybe they’ll start to see what we already know, that our love is true and whole and worthy. Maybe that’s how change is made.  Maybe that’s more important that red equals signs or news updates.

Legal Marriage

For those of you who haven't heard, election night was a huge success for this country and for gay and lesbian couples in Maine. We watched the election results come in with friends and celebrated the fact that our marriage, and the marriage of so many others, could be legal in our home state. 

After coming home on election night we were a excited and were reading all sorts of updates on Facebook. One of my friends had reposted  as message that said "I have a CNN reporter that is looking for gay and lesbians for a CNN story on Gay Marriage passing, anyone interested?" Of course I was interested. So I sent the guy an e-mail, which he quickly replied to asking for my phone number. Shortly after 2am, just as I climbed into bed I got a call from the guy at CNN asking if I was going to be up for a while or if we should do the interview now. I explained that it was 2am, and I would prefer to do the interview right away.

Anyway! Here is the story that came out of that interview. It's a little bit off in some places but overall accurate. How cool is it that we on CNN.com??

Read my post election response on CNN.com! 

Pre-Election Reflection

I got married on the first day of fall. 

After almost an entire year of dreaming, planning, list making, crafting and organizing our day had finally arrived. The day started cold and cloudy, with light rain. We were worried about our hopes to have an outdoor event. However, not long before the ceremony started the clouds parted and sun began to shine. Many wedding guests marveled at the sight of a flock of geese taking off right before the procession over the stage where the ceremony took place. I imagine it to be something you would expect to see in a movie, a sign that the occasion was blessed. 

I walked toward the stage to the sounds of piano and cello being played live from the stage. As I passed my friends and family who had gathered to witness our celebration of love I smiled, and held back tears of gratitude. I met my love at the bottom of the stairs and we held hands as we walked up to the stage, where we joined our some of our closest friends, and three incredible pastors. 

The ceremony was exactly what we planned it to be. Each detail carefully chosen to exemplify our love and our personalities. There were words of welcome, and a prayer. There was a beautiful solo. There was a community response in which all 160 guests stood up and voiced their support for us as we started this new phase in our relationship. It was powerful. There were ribbons and rings and self written vows. There was scripture and some amazing remarks by our pastors including a retelling of how our relationship had evolved. There was a proclamation that we would be together forever, and right before the blessing there was a kiss.

Following the ceremony we celebrated with a BBQ complete with local meats and veggie burgers, lawn games, and a great little band. Many guests proclaimed that it was the most beautiful, meaningful wedding ceremony they had ever attended. Our hearts were full of love. 

 

As you all know in a couple of days we will vote on rather or not the state of Maine should legally recognize weddings such as ours. You see, I am a woman, who married another woman. We had a lovely, amazing, beautiful ceremony, which was really important to us, but legally, my wife and I are roommates. If, God forbid, something were to happen to one of us we are not guaranteed hospital visits with one another. We cannot inherit each others property. We cannot file joint taxes. When we have children the ramifications of not being legally married multiply. There are hundreds of rights that married couples have (they probably don't even realize it) that my wife and I don't have. The state of Maine can vote next week to give me those rights, to strengthen and protect my family, this marriage that is already very real. I don't need a marriage certificate to validate my relationship, but it would be nice.  

Same-sex marriages ARE happening, and will continue to happen regardless of how the state of Maine votes on Tuesday. People will continue to commit themselves to spend their lives with the person they love. They will stand up in front of their family and friends and declare that love.  Same-sex couples will continue to have children, and raise families. That cannot be taken away. I am just hoping that when voters in the state of Maine go to the polls they will stand up and say " Your love is real, and strong and good, and we value your place in our community," just like our friends and family members did on the first day of fall.