Missed Opportunity

Our insemination appointments this month were schedule May 9th through the 23rd. We have a BIG window of appointments each month, due to varying cycle lengths, but ovulation is most likely to fall during the first week. We made appointments knowing that from May 10-13th we'd be in Memphis for Ali's sisters college graduation...AKA 1400 miles away from our sperm. That made ovulation testing extra fun. On the first day we expected negative results. Then we started hoping for a negative result (which is not something people trying to conceive hope for.) We were counting down how many negative tests we needed to get before we would be excited for a positive. The magic number was 6. As we approached the 4th test we were getting hopeful. But instead, in the Memphis Airport bathroom we got a positive ovulation test. Which meant that we couldn't inseminate this month. We were disappointed because we had just spent the whole day in Boston and if the positive test had come one day sooner we could have snuck in a trip to the clinic. If the positive came 36 hours later we could have made it to our appointment late Monday after our flight landed in Maine.

The good news is this seemed to be an ordinary cycle. It's good after the last two which seemed a bit off (one very long, one with a random positive ovulation test too early.) I feel strangely ok with missing this cycle. Don't get me wrong, I was disappointed at first, I want a baby so bad that sometimes I actually physically ache for it. But the body is something that we can't really control, and I feel like this weekend we were exactly where we needed to be...it's hard to feel regret for that.

Maybe I'm guarding myself from disappointment. Or maybe I'm just going with the flow. Either way I can't help but think that this extra month means that I'll have more vacation time saved for when a baby arrives. Also, we'll have more money saved, in case we need to buy more swimmers, or lots of cute baby things.

Meanwhile, the clock keeps ticking and in just 10 days we'll be making more appointments and preparing to try again.