How it All Works or Lesbian Baby Making 101

We've had lots of questions from our friends and family about how to make a baby when both parents are women. Keep in mind that this varies based on age, geography and certain motherly preferences , but I'll share with you our process.

We decided early on to go on this adventure with the help of a well known health center in Boston that has been doing the work of getting lesbians and single women pregnant for decades. It's an expensive and potentially emotionally draining process so we thought that leaving it to the experts would be wise. We think this will give us the best chance of success.

Steps we've already taken:

• In October we went to an orientation at the health center, that outlined lots of things about what to expect and how the process works. 
• We began tracking Ali's basal body temperature first thing every morning for the last 6 months, supposedly before she moves or talks. (Which is impossible because she needs to move to get the thermometer....but you get the point.) We've learned lots of fascinating things about how hormones change throughout your menstrual cycle, and that causes your temperature to change. Your temperature rises after you ovulate, and drops back down right be for you menstruate. 
• We've been practicing with the ovulation predictor kits. Basically works like a pregnancy test, but measures the hormone that increases at ovulation. When the hormone spikes we see a little smiley face. It's cute. 
• Ali had a complete physical and a ton of tests to make sure that she was healthy to carry a cute little baby. 
• We had our enrollment and medical visits at the health center. They gave us more details about scheduling appointments etc. The nurse practitioner reviewed some dos and don'ts and cleared us to go buy sperm. 
• We own sperm! It's waiting for us in Boston in it's cute little nitrogen tank. We have enough sperm for 3 cycles. Hopefully it won't take more than that because those little bottles run $650 for .5ml. I'm pretty sure that's more expensive than gold. 
• We've made appointments for our first IUI. On the first day of the menstrual cycle we call the clinic and set up appointments for every day that you might ovulate. Because my wife's cycles fluctuate somewhere between 32 and 45 days we have appointments set everyday for 14 days. Each night we have to either cancel or confirm the appointment for the next day. 

So we are in full swing now. Any day now we could be packing up and driving south for our first shot at growing our little family. Then we wait a couple of weeks to do the pregnancy test. Then if it's negative we wait a couple more weeks to try again. I'm practicing patience. 

Conversations I Never Thought I'd Have

I am generally a very private person. Since starting this trying to conceive adventure there are many things that I've been talking about that I NEVER thought I would talk about. For example: sperm, another woman's menstrual cycle, the frequency in which someone urinates. It's all fascinating, really. 

Me with our sweet niece, Hannah

I imagine this will be the first of several posts like this in the future. For now, here are a few funny examples.

Last weekend we were riding to my aunt's house for Easter and we were talking about how excited we were to see our niece, Hannah, who is just about 3 months old. I looked at Ali and said "We haven't seen Hannah since before you last ovulated." Yup, time is now literally revolving around my wife's cycle. Too funny.

Yesterday I received an e-mail at work from my mom that said simply, "Any ovulation happening?" It could be possible she's obsessed with grand-babies ...but can you blame her, look how cute Hannah is!

I had the following conversation with Ali today by text message when she was on her way home from work.

Me: Do you want to go on an adventure.
Ali: Yes!!
Me: Great, do you need to pee first?
Ali: No, I can't pee until 6:30, will we be back by then?
Me: I'll pack supplies just in case.

Yes, we are back into the habit of timing when she pees so we can use the ovulation predictor kits. She has to test twice a day, about the same time every day, and it has to be at least 4 hours since you've last gone. It makes for a tricky day sometimes. But it'll be worth it soon enough!

What Story Will We Tell?

We start ovulation testing today. Which means, because of my wife's varying cycle lengths, that we are anywhere between a few days and two weeks away from our first IUI appointment. I've been following lots of lesbian mommy blogs for months now and I have heard many different stories.

I have read about women getting pregnant right away.

I have read about a woman trying 7 times, and then deciding for her wife to try, and her getting pregnant the first time.

I have heard about a couple trying to get pregnant 30+ times with known and unknown donors, and still not having a baby.

But those are their stories to tell. On the brink of this new adventure I wonder what story we will tell. Will this blog turn into a tale of the agony of trying and waiting and testing and waiting and testing and trying over and over again? Or will it quickly turn from a trying to conceive blog to an expecting blog?

Obviously, I have no idea. But the thought that we could find out that we are pregnant in a few weeks is pretty incredible. I know, I know, I won't get my hopes up. I'm practicing patience both for the next few weeks, and the two weeks after that, and longer and longer until we have a tiny human in our arms.

I just hope it's not too long from now ;-)

Words to Live By

We go to a pretty amazing church. It is relevant, social justice focused, and fully inclusive of all people. Each year on Easter we participate in the "Easter Egg Challenge." Each attendee gets to pick an Easter Egg from a basket. In each egg is a piece of chocolate and a challenge. In past years the challenges have been specific ideas about things to do to make yourself a better person, or to grow more deeply.

For example:

• Clean out your closets, and give the contents to someone who needs it.
• Talk to a stranger
• Volunteer at the soup kitchen
• Start a gratitude journal
• Visit a church in a different tradition
• Read a spiritual book

This year we spent time on Easter talking about how what we think about and talk about can change our behaviors. We talked about how that is one of the benefits of being a part of a community of faith, the more we think and talk about hope, love, courage, balance, forgiveness etc. the better we will get at embodying these things.

So this year our eggs contained 1 of 28 words (and chocolate) with simple directions to pray about these words, and look for ways to live them out in our lives.

We are on the brink of our first IUI (as in, it could be this week). My wife tends to be anxious and worry about things (though in her defense she seems quite calm), and I am so excited about the prospect of having a baby that I don't understand why it hasn't already happened. Can you guess what words we picked from the basket?

For the wife: Peace
For me: Patience

Seriously.

I'm not sure I believe in divine intervention but I'm pretty sure these are the exact words that we need to focus us in the coming weeks.