I was remembering back to our first insemination appointment, I had text messaged my mom letting her know that everything had gone well and she replied something along the lines of "Now all you have to do is stay away from negative people." As if it were that easy.
I wish that conceiving a child was as easy as just surrounding ourselves with positive loving people.
BUT....it can't hurt right?
We are headed to Boston for our 4th iui tomorrow. On our first wedding anniversary. How cool would it be if this is the one that worked?
Please send all good vibes/prayers/happy, lovely, baby making thoughts our way!!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Celebrations
One thing we are really good at as a couple is celebrating. We LOVE to have reasons to celebrate. No holiday is too small for us!
We wear green on Saint Patrick's Day.
We dye Easter Eggs with our friends.
We have cookie cutters for almost every occasion.
We cherish Christmas celebrations.
We once delivered brownies to some friends with a George Washington cut out on President's Day.
We dress up for Halloween.
We were engaged over Columbus Day weekend.
We were married on the first day of fall, we served apple pies.
My calendar states that it is almost the first day of fall again, which happens to land on our 1st wedding anniversary. For two girls known for celebrating we are getting a lot of people asking, "What are you doing for your anniversary." It's a logical question. It's not prying too much. Generally, we would love to tell you.
But the thing is there's a fairly good chance we will be trying to make a baby. Which is AWESOME! But again, not something we want to tell everyone, so we tend to stutter when asked that question. Which people think is odd, because we always have awesome plans. We celebrate month-a-versaries of when we started dating, for goodness sake. So how is it we don't have plans for our very first wedding anniversary? And what in the world will we do if we don't end up trying to make a baby on that particular day?
The weekend is coming, and it's contents are a mystery. Maybe it will be the start of something big for our little family. Maybe we'll go to the fair and eat organic ice cream. No matter what we do to celebrate our anniversary our love will never be in question.
We wear green on Saint Patrick's Day.
We dye Easter Eggs with our friends.
We cherish Christmas celebrations.
We once delivered brownies to some friends with a George Washington cut out on President's Day.
We dress up for Halloween.
We were engaged over Columbus Day weekend.
We were married on the first day of fall, we served apple pies.My calendar states that it is almost the first day of fall again, which happens to land on our 1st wedding anniversary. For two girls known for celebrating we are getting a lot of people asking, "What are you doing for your anniversary." It's a logical question. It's not prying too much. Generally, we would love to tell you.
But the thing is there's a fairly good chance we will be trying to make a baby. Which is AWESOME! But again, not something we want to tell everyone, so we tend to stutter when asked that question. Which people think is odd, because we always have awesome plans. We celebrate month-a-versaries of when we started dating, for goodness sake. So how is it we don't have plans for our very first wedding anniversary? And what in the world will we do if we don't end up trying to make a baby on that particular day?The weekend is coming, and it's contents are a mystery. Maybe it will be the start of something big for our little family. Maybe we'll go to the fair and eat organic ice cream. No matter what we do to celebrate our anniversary our love will never be in question.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
We SHOULD Have Babies!
In Tuesday's post We're Trying, I talked about wanting people to talk to us about trying to conceive. However, I have to be careful what I wish for.
People every where are telling us that we should have babies. (This was happening long before I wrote the blog post).
Co-workers, church goers, distant relatives etc.....all think we should be mom's. It's sweet, really. It's nice to know that some day we will have a baby that is loved by many many people. The child will have role models and mentors, honorary uncles and open minded playmates, ample babysitters and more "grandparents" than we can count. The support that we are already getting from people who do not even know that we are trying to have a baby is incredible. It can also be a bit overwhelming.
The problem with this is that while a good number of people know why don't want EVERYONE to know. There are just some conversations that don't need to be had with everyone at church on Sunday morning. So, when a sweet retired pastor sitting next to us in church tells us for the 10th time that we should REALLY have children we just sort of nod and grin or reply, "Someday". Some people we give the slightly less vague responses of "we're trying" or "turns out it's not that easy" to. This sometimes elicits more questions, or puzzled looks. It's not that we are necessarily keeping it a secret, it's just that I'm certain that some people do not want to hear about my wife's menstrual cycle, the pro's and cons of have an identity release sperm donor, or what kind of catheters work best for injecting sperm into a uterus that is being shy. Heck, probably some of you reading this now aren't that interested in that information.
PS. Work is a different story. We both work for the same agency, and have decided not to tell anyone there until there is really something to tell. You know, boundaries and all that.
Has anyone else out there struggled with what to tell and to whom and when? It's an interesting game to play, that's for sure.
People every where are telling us that we should have babies. (This was happening long before I wrote the blog post).
Co-workers, church goers, distant relatives etc.....all think we should be mom's. It's sweet, really. It's nice to know that some day we will have a baby that is loved by many many people. The child will have role models and mentors, honorary uncles and open minded playmates, ample babysitters and more "grandparents" than we can count. The support that we are already getting from people who do not even know that we are trying to have a baby is incredible. It can also be a bit overwhelming.The problem with this is that while a good number of people know why don't want EVERYONE to know. There are just some conversations that don't need to be had with everyone at church on Sunday morning. So, when a sweet retired pastor sitting next to us in church tells us for the 10th time that we should REALLY have children we just sort of nod and grin or reply, "Someday". Some people we give the slightly less vague responses of "we're trying" or "turns out it's not that easy" to. This sometimes elicits more questions, or puzzled looks. It's not that we are necessarily keeping it a secret, it's just that I'm certain that some people do not want to hear about my wife's menstrual cycle, the pro's and cons of have an identity release sperm donor, or what kind of catheters work best for injecting sperm into a uterus that is being shy. Heck, probably some of you reading this now aren't that interested in that information.
PS. Work is a different story. We both work for the same agency, and have decided not to tell anyone there until there is really something to tell. You know, boundaries and all that.
Has anyone else out there struggled with what to tell and to whom and when? It's an interesting game to play, that's for sure.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
We're Trying
We were at a get together a couple weeks ago with some work folks; a good bye party for a beloved member of our staff who is moving on to a new adventure. This was an "invite only party" and amazingly we were surrounded by people that we really liked, and enjoyed being with. (Generally my philosophy is to skip work related functions that I'm not getting paid for, but this night was pretty fun.)
Anyway, we were talking with a man who works for another program in our agency. I asked him about his 2 year old daughter and he gushed. It was pretty awesome actually. Then Ali asked "did I hear you were going to have more children." To which he replied, "Yes, we're trying, I mean, we're having sex."
I have two thoughts about this:
1. Yes, even though we are both women we do know how straight people make babies.
2. Have you noticed how no one EVER talks about how they are trying to get pregnant? Maybe it's because for fertile heterosexual people it's a private, intimate act (sex) that makes a baby....It's just strange to me that people generally don't talk about it.
I've been thinking a bit sense that night about what we share and how we share it. I think what's important is that we have control over our own information. Most of the time before we go to Boston to inseminate we let a few people know, and are encouraged by their "You can do it!!" messages. However, last time we were uncertain about appointment, and we kept it to ourselves. I didn't post about it over a week later, mostly because it seemed exhausting to write it all out, without any feedback.
Many people know we are trying to get pregnant. However, we are hardly ever asked about it. I realized this after we went to Boston a couple of weeks ago, and we sat down and chatted with Ali's mom and sister about what happened, what usually happens, why we didn't inseminate, and how frustrating it all is. It was sort of like letting out a deep sigh to have some people listen, and say "Hey, that really stinks." It made me wonder why we haven't really had these conversations with other people. Yes, this is a personal adventure we are on, full of ups and downs, but if you are here on this blog and you know us personally, it means we love you and we trust you enough that we've let you into this adventure with us.
Feel free to ask us about what's going on. Seriously. This is a stressful, emotional, sometimes frustrating thing that we are doing. We've told you because we want your support. We want to hear your excitement. We want your hugs. We want someone to say "that really sucks." Not just hear on the blog (though that's cool too) but also in real life. On occasion we may not want to talk about it, and we might tell you. That just means it's not a good time, and not that you should never bring it up again. It seems like maybe culture says "It's weird to talk to people about making a baby" but it seems weirder when people know about it, and don't mention it. So go ahead, ask questions, be sympathetic, hug freely. We won't mind. (AND it won't be too awkward, because we won't say anything about sex!!)
Anyway, we were talking with a man who works for another program in our agency. I asked him about his 2 year old daughter and he gushed. It was pretty awesome actually. Then Ali asked "did I hear you were going to have more children." To which he replied, "Yes, we're trying, I mean, we're having sex."
I have two thoughts about this:
1. Yes, even though we are both women we do know how straight people make babies.
2. Have you noticed how no one EVER talks about how they are trying to get pregnant? Maybe it's because for fertile heterosexual people it's a private, intimate act (sex) that makes a baby....It's just strange to me that people generally don't talk about it.
I've been thinking a bit sense that night about what we share and how we share it. I think what's important is that we have control over our own information. Most of the time before we go to Boston to inseminate we let a few people know, and are encouraged by their "You can do it!!" messages. However, last time we were uncertain about appointment, and we kept it to ourselves. I didn't post about it over a week later, mostly because it seemed exhausting to write it all out, without any feedback.
Many people know we are trying to get pregnant. However, we are hardly ever asked about it. I realized this after we went to Boston a couple of weeks ago, and we sat down and chatted with Ali's mom and sister about what happened, what usually happens, why we didn't inseminate, and how frustrating it all is. It was sort of like letting out a deep sigh to have some people listen, and say "Hey, that really stinks." It made me wonder why we haven't really had these conversations with other people. Yes, this is a personal adventure we are on, full of ups and downs, but if you are here on this blog and you know us personally, it means we love you and we trust you enough that we've let you into this adventure with us.
Feel free to ask us about what's going on. Seriously. This is a stressful, emotional, sometimes frustrating thing that we are doing. We've told you because we want your support. We want to hear your excitement. We want your hugs. We want someone to say "that really sucks." Not just hear on the blog (though that's cool too) but also in real life. On occasion we may not want to talk about it, and we might tell you. That just means it's not a good time, and not that you should never bring it up again. It seems like maybe culture says "It's weird to talk to people about making a baby" but it seems weirder when people know about it, and don't mention it. So go ahead, ask questions, be sympathetic, hug freely. We won't mind. (AND it won't be too awkward, because we won't say anything about sex!!)
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Moving On Up
 |
| In the beautiful park across the street from out apartment |
Not far, but away from the current place we're living. The place where I have lived for 7 years. The place I have lived in longer than any other place before it. It's a tiny bit bitter sweet, but mostly sweet. I love this apartment. It's sunny and warm. Large in size. It's in walkable distance to work, downtown, and the park where the farmer's market is on Saturdays. The price (we are finding) is reasonable for what it is.
So why in the world would we leave?
- Laundry. This place has laundry in the basement, we live on the second floor, the psychological divide from these places is enough to cause me to want to do the sniff test to find the least dirty clothes before actually washing anything. Oh, and it's $3.50 for a load that seems about half the size of an ordinary washing machine. And you have to have cash 5 dollar bill or larger to put into the machine. It's a hassle to say the least. When we have a baby we really need a better laundry situation, if for no other reason than to wash the sweet cloth diapers I already bought.
- Dishwasher. We discussed long ago that in order to succeed at parenting we were going to need a dishwasher. Call it luxury, we call it sanity preservation.
- Parking. Right now we have to park on the very busy street we live on. Ali's been in an accident here. Ali's mom has been in an accident here. It's stressful. We don't need that stress when we are dealing with a car seat.
- Clients. We are less than a half a mile from the homeless shelter where we work. Clients sometimes sit on our front steps (literally) and drink. On occasion there is vomit on the sidewalk It's mostly ok. I once had a really creepy interaction with a client in the park across the street. He was adamant to find out where I lived, the situation followed me back to work....to say it was uncomfortable is an understatement. (Though to be fair, that was one incident in 7 years). Anyway, anywhere we go near here we see clients. We love them, but some space would be nice, especially when we are carting around a tiny human.
- Set up. For some reason I can not imagine having a baby in this space. I'm not really sure why. Maybe because it's not very open. Maybe it's because I've lived here so long without thinking about a baby. Maybe it's because the bedrooms seem super far away from each other and I worry about my child being that far away from me.
I've never searched for a home before, so I'm excited to get to it. Also, I really like new adventures with Ali, and doing so with a baby in mind is awesome. Those who have known me for a long time are probably surprised that I'm not freaking out about this big change. But I'm not. It's amazing, really.
Now all we need is a reasonably priced apartment a bit further away from work, with parking, laundry, and a dishwasher.
We'll have to bring our own baby. We're working on it.
Monday, September 2, 2013
That Time We Didn't Inseminate
After a negative ovulation test last Tuesday night (the 20th) Ali was quite sure that we would be headed to Boston on Thursday. This is pretty early in the cycle for us to have a positive test, but it has been closer to the norm lately. We'll take it. Wednesday morning, we got another negative test. Call woman's intuition, call it the presence of early morning cervical mucus....either way, she was pretty sure it was time. So we tested again at lunchtime. Sure enough, we got the smiley face, and were excited to head to Boston the next day (the 22nd).
Then we did it again.
The cardinal lesbian baby making sin.
We took another ovulation test, even though the clinic says not to.
BUT if you remember our first insemination was done 3 days early do to some weird fluke where the test turned positive one morning, and then went negative for 3 days....before turning positive again, at the time of the actual ovulation. Unfortunately for us the clinic told us to inseminate anyway, and we basically flushed $1000 down the toilet. Literally.
After that cycle we made a couple of insemination rules for our family.
1. We weren't going to inseminate in the future unless we have a negative test followed by two positive test.
2. We weren't going to inseminate unless there was good "egg white" cervical mucus. This is a pretty good indicator of pre-ovulation, and provides a good environment for the swimmers to get where they need to go.
We figured if we followed these rules we'd be more sane, and have a better chance at actually making a baby. We hadn't needed to see if we were serious about these rules until last week.
So we tested again Wednesday night, and it was negative (after the positive test Wednesday morning). SERIOUSLY?! So we tested the SAME urine sample again, and it was positive. This is when I started freaking out. It was a bit too much like our first cycle...and I was worried. We got out the microscope, and saw the ferning, but I was still fairly grumpy and sure that it wasn't going to work. I think Ali was still all set to head out to Boston in the morning, I asked her many times if she was sure, and she assured me that she was. We confirmed our appointment.
When we woke up the next morning I suggested to Ali that we just go to the beach that day, instead of going to Boston. We went back and forth about rather or not we should go to our appointment, and eventually, reluctantly, headed South. By the time we got off the exit Ali was sure that we should not inseminate. After a bit more discussion, hesitation and tears, we ventured into the clinic to see what the penalty was for canceling our appointment with only 10 minutes notice. They didn't charge us anything, maybe because we were clearly distraught.
Honestly, when Ali said that we shouldn't inseminate I felt at peace for the first time since the weird testing happened the night before. When we discussed going ahead with the insemination we decided that it was just money, and that we'd find more if we needed more swimmers. But I'm not sure I had it in me to do another cycle where we weren't really sure it was going to work. This whole process is emotionally draining enough without adding the stress of possible bad timing into the mix.
We went back and forth on the way home about rather or not we should keep testing. Ali wanted to have more information, and thought we should. I just wanted to be done with this whole cycle. In the end she tested, and it was still positive Thursday night, which meant we could, possibly, go back to Boston for our appointment on Friday. When people do more than one insemination in a month they will often go two days in a row...we have not been doing that, but it was an option.
In the end we decided for sanities sake to go to work the next day, and cancel all of our appointments for this month. Canceling on Thursday and not heading back to Boston on Friday were very difficult decisions to make. Really difficult, and emotional, and not at all fun. But in the end (now that I'm 10 days separated from them), I'm so thankful we did this the way we did. I worry that the stress of the whole situation, of not knowing for sure if it was the right time, may have caused a potential baby to think "No way, I'm not going to join THAT family." (I'm sure babies that are only a few cells big think those things....)
Anyway, now we have still have two excellent shots ahead of us. Two shots that we can control (as much as two people can control these things.) Two shots where we can walk out of the clinic thinking, "we may have just made a baby."
We have two shots, and while this is all an incredible test of patience, I'm hoping we only need one. ;-)
Then we did it again.
The cardinal lesbian baby making sin.
We took another ovulation test, even though the clinic says not to.
BUT if you remember our first insemination was done 3 days early do to some weird fluke where the test turned positive one morning, and then went negative for 3 days....before turning positive again, at the time of the actual ovulation. Unfortunately for us the clinic told us to inseminate anyway, and we basically flushed $1000 down the toilet. Literally.
After that cycle we made a couple of insemination rules for our family.
1. We weren't going to inseminate in the future unless we have a negative test followed by two positive test.
2. We weren't going to inseminate unless there was good "egg white" cervical mucus. This is a pretty good indicator of pre-ovulation, and provides a good environment for the swimmers to get where they need to go.
We figured if we followed these rules we'd be more sane, and have a better chance at actually making a baby. We hadn't needed to see if we were serious about these rules until last week.
So we tested again Wednesday night, and it was negative (after the positive test Wednesday morning). SERIOUSLY?! So we tested the SAME urine sample again, and it was positive. This is when I started freaking out. It was a bit too much like our first cycle...and I was worried. We got out the microscope, and saw the ferning, but I was still fairly grumpy and sure that it wasn't going to work. I think Ali was still all set to head out to Boston in the morning, I asked her many times if she was sure, and she assured me that she was. We confirmed our appointment.
When we woke up the next morning I suggested to Ali that we just go to the beach that day, instead of going to Boston. We went back and forth about rather or not we should go to our appointment, and eventually, reluctantly, headed South. By the time we got off the exit Ali was sure that we should not inseminate. After a bit more discussion, hesitation and tears, we ventured into the clinic to see what the penalty was for canceling our appointment with only 10 minutes notice. They didn't charge us anything, maybe because we were clearly distraught.
Honestly, when Ali said that we shouldn't inseminate I felt at peace for the first time since the weird testing happened the night before. When we discussed going ahead with the insemination we decided that it was just money, and that we'd find more if we needed more swimmers. But I'm not sure I had it in me to do another cycle where we weren't really sure it was going to work. This whole process is emotionally draining enough without adding the stress of possible bad timing into the mix.
We went back and forth on the way home about rather or not we should keep testing. Ali wanted to have more information, and thought we should. I just wanted to be done with this whole cycle. In the end she tested, and it was still positive Thursday night, which meant we could, possibly, go back to Boston for our appointment on Friday. When people do more than one insemination in a month they will often go two days in a row...we have not been doing that, but it was an option.
In the end we decided for sanities sake to go to work the next day, and cancel all of our appointments for this month. Canceling on Thursday and not heading back to Boston on Friday were very difficult decisions to make. Really difficult, and emotional, and not at all fun. But in the end (now that I'm 10 days separated from them), I'm so thankful we did this the way we did. I worry that the stress of the whole situation, of not knowing for sure if it was the right time, may have caused a potential baby to think "No way, I'm not going to join THAT family." (I'm sure babies that are only a few cells big think those things....)
Anyway, now we have still have two excellent shots ahead of us. Two shots that we can control (as much as two people can control these things.) Two shots where we can walk out of the clinic thinking, "we may have just made a baby."
We have two shots, and while this is all an incredible test of patience, I'm hoping we only need one. ;-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)