We went to the health center for our enrollment and medical clearance appointments and decided to browse through some donor profiles while we were there. There were a few things going into this process that we were pretty sure of.
1. We wanted a donor the same race as us. In my brain if we
were adopting a baby I felt like it wouldn’t matter what the babies race was.
However, my wife giving birth to a baby who didn’t look like either of
us seemed strange to me.
2. We wanted an identity release donor. Donors in the
identity release program agree to be contacted by a child conceived by their
sperm after that child reaches the age of 18. It was really important to us
that our child had the option to contact the donor, if they decided to. We
didn’t want to make that decision for our child.
After that we were slightly overwhelmed at picking a donor.
What’s important? What isn’t important? How do you decide? What about the
age-old nature vs. nurture debate?
We started just reading through donor
profiles and getting a feel for the person. If one of us thought they were ok
the other of us would read it. If
we both thought they were ok we kept it in the running. If either of us got
weird vibes from the dude, we got rid of him, no questions asked.
Family health history played a factor in our
decision-making. There was one guy
we liked but he reported that his parents and three of his grandparents had
all died before they were 60 of various causes. It could be some strange
coincidence, or it could be something funky in his genes. Either way, we had
enough choices, so we didn’t have to risk it.
We fairly quickly narrowed our selections down to seven
potential donors. Of that seven we eliminate three more fairly quickly. Once we eliminated someone because of
physical characteristics that we weren’t totally thrilled with. (Hey, if we get to choose!) Mostly we
got rid of people in that round because they seemed to lack passion about
anything. They sounded like a totally fine guys, smart, kind…but they lacked
anything that made us think that they were excited about ANYTHING in the world.
When we had the top three my wife and I both ranked them separately,
and ended up with the same guy in our #1 spot. Probably the biggest seller for
us (aside from his good health, and general good guy vibe) was his use of exclamation
points. He could answer serious questions seriously, but also, even in his
paperwork he seemed to be having fun. He wrote things like “My sperm is awesome!!”
He studied musical theatre and philosophy. His donor number matches my birthday
(and coincidentally my wife’s favorite number). His celebrity lookalikes are handsome (even if in a dorky sort of way).
In the end we decided that there weren't really right or wrong answers as to how to pick the right donor, as long as we both feel comfortable and happy with it, then we're golden. We’re excited about our choice, and even more excited to put it to
good use soon.
