Google Giggles

Over breakfast this morning we were discussing the oddities of being at this stage in the two week wait (11 days post iui) and not really feeling much of anything. Not long after breakfast, when we were at our computers, Ali said "I seem to be having extra plaque build up this week, do you think that's a sign of pregnancy?"

A quick google search and sure enough Oral B does a great write up on gingivitis during pregnancy.

I became convinced that this could happen no matter what we googled and I say, "I have a toenail that's growing extra fast, maybe I'm pregnant." Ali googles it....and guess what?! Suddenly I'm pregnant too! Apparently pregnancy hormones make nails grow faster. (My toenail is fine by the way, I was just being goofy.)

I guess we are going to have to just wait this one out....google is not going to help us decide if we are pregnant or not. At least we got a good laugh out of it!

As Good As It Gets

 We spent the last week at a beautiful state park on a magical lake not far from our house. It was wonderful; swimming, sailing, sea dooing, reading, playing backgammon, painting, roasting marshmallows...all my favorite things. Of course, as luck would have it it was time for ovulation testing while we were there. We'll add Sebago Lake State Park to the list of interesting places we have tested (including bus stations, airports, many friends and relatives homes etc.) Anyway, the test turned positive Monday morning, which meant we'd be heading to Boston on Tuesday morning. We were slightly frustrated with the timing because...we were on vacation, I tried to tell Ali that we didn't have to go, but in the end we decided to take a road trip.

We decided to sleep at home Monday night, which turned our almost 3 hour drive into a less than two hour drive one way. (Good thing too, because it poured all night and flooded our tent!) It was the first time we had been to the clinic for insemination on a week day. I wasn't thrilled about this idea, since we'd always been there on a Sunday, and Amy had always done our inseminations. Ali pointed out that it hadn't worked the last two times, so maybe a new approach was a good thing.

Kenny helped us with our paperwork. He was an awesome sort-of-flamboyant little guy, with long black hair, whose tee-shirt barely met his scrub pants. He made sure we had the right swimmers and was generally friendly while we waited in the waiting room. We hadn't spend much time in the waiting room before...but it was kind of cool, full of gays and lesbians. We don't spend too much time with other queer people, but it's sort of reassuring to know that there are more of them (us) in the world.

Jerry, an older PA, did our insemination. He said that our swimmers might be the best batch he's ever seen (good news!)...AND they were donated on my mom's birthday. She's quite fertile, so it must be a good sign! Jerry had a very slow and steady approach to getting the swimmers in, and instructed me to push the plunger a TINY bit (we're talking 1/2 ml total here, so it really was tiny) wait ten seconds, then plunge again. The procedure was the easiest it had been, and clearly done at the right time (I'll spare you the details).

He left and we had some beautiful family time, so happy that we finally thought that this could work. Then we went back to the lake for 5 more nights of relaxing.

That happened on the 23rd, so we're about 9 days post iui.....and I'm going a tiny bit crazy. I can't help but wonder: HOW IN THE WORLD CAN SOMEONE BE GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE THEM AND NOT KNOW ABOUT IT?? Seriously, I know, if there is something in there it's just a bunch of cells, but it seems as though you should feel SOMETHING. Supposedly people go through there entire pregnancies without ever knowing it, so why should my wife feel anything after 9 days? I keep remembering that after the last two iui's Ali had symptoms -- cramps, fatigue, nausea (sometimes extreme) ....but this time, almost nothing of note. I have to keep reminding myself that those times when she had "symptoms" she was not pregnant. Yesterday I read a study that said that 50% of women experience no symptoms at 5 weeks. I guess since IF we were pregnant we'd only be 3 weeks along I should just chill out for a few more days and see what happens.

I'm hoping for an awesome outcome because otherwise we are out of swimmers and will need to make a plan about how to proceed. That involves lots of decisions, in a short period of time....WOO! We are on a wild ride friends. Send good thoughts our way!

Something to be Proud Of

Several years ago, when I had first moved to this city, I was waiting at a bus stop near my house with my teenage sister, waiting for the bus to take us to the mall. We were on our way to a volunteer at a summer camp for kids with life threatening illnesses, and my sister had forgot her bathing suit. We were in a hurry, and the bus was late.

Before too long the street was blocked off by police officers. I was more intrigued than worried. Within 15 minutes we realized that there was a parade happening, and we were going to see it. Turns out it was the Pride parade. We were from a pretty liberal tiny city, but we didn't know such a thing existed. It seemed fun and festive, we collected some beads and some candy. And then, one of the people in the parade waved at us and shouted "HEEELLLLLOOOOO FELLOW HOMOS!" My sister found it hysterical. I was mortified, and suddenly wished I could be anywhere else in the world.

No doubt it was my inner turmoil that brought me down at that point, I was kind of/sort of involved with one of my best friends from college. A girl. I hadn't told anyone, and it was messy. It was confusing. At that point it hurt more than it felt good. She had a boyfriend. I wasn't gay.

Fast-forward 7 years (!). I am very happily married to an incredible woman. I have successfully avoided the Pride Festival since that day with my sister. At times I find my own lack of enthusiasm regarding PRIDE and embarrassment to my people. I really saw my "coming out" as a non-event. It was declaration of love for a person (who happened to be the same gender as I am) but not much more. It didn't change my clothing choices, or my taste in music, or my desire to go to the Pride Parade. I had friends, I had community, I didn't need to see mostly naked men (or women) dancing on top of trucks in order to be sure of who I was, and who I loved.

BUT, our church is on the parade route, and our friend Tad was planning to stand outside and hand out bubbles, and lollipops and buttons with an important message: "You are Loved." So we semi-reluctantly agreed to go help out. We got to the church  early to decorate with rainbow kites and various whirly gigs. We brought out bright colored fabric, and rainbow umbrellas. We wore leis and I whipped out my rainbow wig.

When the parade started we decided to go out into the street and give our trinkets to the people marching in the parade. They were happy to get fun toys, and candy, but extra excited for the buttons. I gave a button to a teenager who took it from my hand and said with joy, "That's right, I AM loved. Take that parents." While it's heart breaking that this young person does not feel loved by his parents because of his orientation (I assume), I am encouraged by the thought that on this day he knew that he was worthy of love, even if it was in the form of a button from a complete stranger.


I didn't think I wanted or needed the "gay community." However,  it was pretty powerful seeing the parade and realizing how lucky we are to live in a place where restaurants, jewelers, banks, churches, and even the animal shelter would march in a parade that says that all love is valued, honored, and celebrated. The mayor and the police chief served as marshalls in the parade, riding in cars and waving to the parade goers. To me this is incredible. Because of this one day celebration young gay kids (and old gay kids) can see that there are places in this city where they are safe and valued....and that's something to be proud of.

Back to the Start

We are decidedly not pregnant. Obviously, we would prefer for this not to be true. The cycle ended last Monday, right on schedule. We are sad to not be pregnant, but we are thankful that the cycle started that day because it means we inseminated on the right day(we were worried we did not)....and everything is working just the way it should. YAY for normal-ish cycles. 

Intentionally trying to make a baby is a bit like getting whiplash every two weeks, over and over again. It is very strange to be quite hopeful one day that there is a tiny human growing, and just a few hours later to know there is not. It feels like you have lost something, though it was never really there. Then, just as quickly (without anytime to really contemplate what has happened) you have appointments for the next insemination, the next shot to make your family a little more awesome. I'm ready. Come on awesome!!